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I had a similar thing working with wordrpess but of course now it's not working. So trying to see if LJ works. Maybe it's just because I tried to add 2 different accounts w/ wordpress.

Christmas Spirit

I love how my mom just walks in and says "I've done a lot for you this year, I've been a perfect mother (as usual). NOW GET ME A PRESENT!"  Ok, she didn't say exactly that but that was pretty much the tone (well, part of it she did actually say and the rest of it I just re-worded).

My dad is the same way.

You know, come to think of it...I guess I can stop wondering why my brother and I don't really care much about "celebrating" "special" occasions.  We just aren't the gift giving or receiving type.  Yeah, it's ok some times if you do it cause you just really want to.  Not when it's a high pressure affair.

Well, guess I will cut my bumming around a little short for now to throw on my boots and winter gear so's I can go drop some money in the bank, head to the store to get the woman a present.

One more step

So what's new.
I've just put THE RING up on eBay. One of the final ties to my 'past life' with my ex. That's really hard, I'm almost hoping no one wants it. Well, except I really need the money so I can...KEEP FRIGGIN' PAYING FOR THERAPY! Sorry. hehe. That wasn't entirely about him, more of just a general outburst on my feelings about life right now. I really love that ring. I mean it's not quite 'me', it's close but not quite. I just love the detail on it and I love staring at the inscription wondering who the people were, what happened to them, etc. I love the little octagonal box and fiddling with the clasp on it. So it's a little hard to think about parting.

Can't remember if I mentioned how he found me a few weeks ago. Right around when work ended. Really threw me into a panic for quite I while I think I'm semi-recovered now. I made a report at my supervisors suggesting (sorry if I'm repeating too lazy to go back and read). So I feel better about that. Don't know if it was an accident or not but it helps knowing the cops are cool with me just callin' them up and asking them to come out if he does try this again. *sigh*

I don't want to get down about shit right now. It's been a crappy few weeks and gonna stay crappy till I can get some cash and bay my bills!

On a happy note my little creatures are growing ha! The one on the sidebar looks like it's turning into a spider which kind of creeps me out a little. I have a few more Unicreatures and eggs now too (agg I think I'm addicted to those things!).

Oh, and my Aunt is coming tomorrow for a little bit.  Can you say family drama. Not sure what's going on with her and my mom but...I guess we'll see.  I don't think I've seen her since I was a teen.  I think maybe I saw her briefly when I came back from Thailand, maybe 19 or 20? Can't remember if she and my Uncle stayed or if it was just passing through like this. Well, I'm off to find something to do I guess then on to sleep.

So far not rainy

It's been so hot and rainy here lately, I'm tired of it.  So far yesterday and today have been ok, hot but no rain.  Starting to look a little like a storm coming though in the last few hours/minutes.

Still hunting for a job for the summer.  Feel like I'm going to have to break down and take up babysitting.  *cringe*  Yes, there's good money but...not sure it's "worth it" to me.  I my school job because it's structured, there are kids of all different ages and backgrounds, and I can escape! Babysitting to me just always seemed like mental and sensory overload.
If I wasn't allergic to cats I'd try petsitting! haha! Seems like more people need someone for their cats than any other type of animal.

On the mouse front...I been hunting around but only one place has colored female mice.  Petco only had male mice which I understand but A). I can only get one as they end up beating the crap out of each other as they get older.  B) they like to mark everything and it's pretty strong (I don't mind but since I'm sharing living space...)  One place is supposed to get more females in tomorrow but I don't have a way to get up there yet.  I've looked high and low for a long time for micies in need of rescue but there aren't any around here.  The shelter has one and it's male. So  one other place to look and if that doesn't work  (which I'm thinking it won't, never does).

nearly done cleaning out my room.  Trying to get rid of stuff on Craigs and Ebay but no one is biting at any price it seems. Just gonna keep trying.

Oh back to the job and school front...I'm wanting to find an online degree program.  I don't think I'm really cut out for the physical classroom ha! I liked my classes that had an online component to them a lot.  So figured give it a try.  I'm thinking to of looking into ESL and doing teaching English abroad again, only this time FOR PAY! haha! So knock on wood, cross your fingers. Hoping something works out and soon!

*Walks in, sits down*

Wow, been awhile!
End of the school year is coming up on the 11th.  The 12th is a half day so I guess I'm just supposed to go in to help clean.  They are kicking us out of the room we use and will be down graded to this tiny little room for next year.  This year at our max we had nearly 50 kids, just try to imagine that in a little room! Not cool. Don't even know what programs are going to be around next year, or if staff might be let go, if there will be benefits (this is my last year on my mom's insurance so...trying to get a crap load of things done).  Who knows...

I have nothing so far lined up for summer employment.  Not even Temp places have anything it would seem.  I'm so frustrated.  I'm just happy my student loans are no longer making me pay now that I've gone on the income based plans. Weee! Helps a bit.

I've been missing having a pet like crazy.  I miss my ferrets so much, I think about them and worry about them a lot lately.  I haven't heard from their owner in ages, really sucks! 

So anyway that led me to thinking about how much I still miss my little Paddington mouse.  I have had mice on and off as pets since I was in kindergarten,  I got Paddington and two other mice (Lucy and Jules) in high school.  I miss them tons but Paddington was my favorite! He was a little black and tan guy (Black top, golden belly) and I liked to carry him around in my hoodie.  So I was thinking of maybe getting me a mousey again.  I'm so mad though because I realize my ex has my other two tanks still (I was kind of collecting them for a while because I knew I would one day want a bunch of micies back in my life), including my 20 gl.  AGGG!!! So mad! haha! So I been running around the web trying to make little plan.  Just need to go out to the garage to see what size that aquarium out there is, I'm so glad I kept so much of that old stuff.

Next month I'm trying hard to get my butt back out to Chi-town to visit some friends. We'll see.  I need to get out of here for a bit.  My dad offered to take me on a Vacay somewhere with him and his gf.  At first I was kind of thinking "yeah, right!" but hey if he's payin'...why not? Right?!  So maybe I could get him to go back out to SF!  That would rock! I miss my buddies out there.

Best Baking Comment Ever

Ok so I was making this 5 Min Choco Cake Recipe only from another site anyway I was scrolling through the comments of this version and found this comment:

"Are you sure you meant tablespoon rather than dessert spoon? They look the same but dessert spoons are smaller. When I used a tablespoon, it didn’t fit in a standard mug, and the ratios must have been off, as it didn’t taste the best."

Back away from kitchen now! hehe, well gotta learn sometime I guess.


How do you deal with frailty? Maybe there is a better word but that's what comes to mind. It wears me out the minute I see it/experience it and I try to think of some Al Anony thing to set me straight again but I can't...least not at the moment. What I mean is, I frequent various sites that deal with both emotional/mental and physical ailments/etc and well there is a good dose of people out there who because of what they have been through are just...fragile. (Ok, I don't frequently frequent these sites and things anymore, I never 'friend' this set of people and rarely comment on blogs of this type). This type of person seems to feel the need to pounce on every little word, they seem to take everything to heart, they read and react in the same moment, they can't seem to see the forest for the trees type of thing. (If you should ever think I'm like this my suggestion is slow down take a second look because rarely if ever do I do that. If your not sure what I mean ask, things don't come across the same way in writing always.) Twice this week, I've run into this and I just haven't figured out what to do. Well the one thing that I saw just a moment ago I think I will just let go, the other was a comment to a post of mine (I still haven't published it).  I don't know ... I just don't get the gut reaction types, the emotional types. Of course then again, I'm kind of trained this way because it's a big strike against you in my family and you won't last a minute.
One was a case of someone being word picky where oh let's say I respond to some story about losing a close friend by saying "That must have been hard". Now for me I might see that and say to myself "It was really excruciating" or something (I don't know cause I'm not word picky) but I know that you get what I'm saying anyway even if it's not the word I would have chose. For a word picky person they have to point out that the word "hard" doesn't fit what they felt at all even if you've recounted in great detail in the sentences after "That must have been hard" a story about losing someone very close to you. It's like there is no possible way in hell you understand, none. Soley because you chose the 'wrong' word. So that one I let fly, whatever. Hopeless case maybe, I don't have time for it.
The other one was a case of being blinded by anger and past hurt. A case of when someone can't "take what they like and leave the rest" I think might be anothe way to put it.  It happens when someone has been so hurt that they look at everything through a lens of hurt and anger and can't turn it off. So the person wrote me and said "have a look at this, doesn't this make you angry?!" Nope. I agreed with quite a lot of it actually. Then again the particular issue she was upset with is something I've lived with for ...well since I was a toddler at least, majority of people I run into with the same issue are very new to it. So I guess in that sense I understand but, ...I don't get it. It drives me mad! So I stay away from both these types of people as much as possible. In this case many of the comments to the person reflected her feelings it seems like so many people get stuck this way, they reinforce each other. On that last one I'm not sure what to do with the comment. I may respond in another blog (since the one she posted to is a different topic entirely I just happened to mention that issue in passing that day. Hmm so what does that say about her feelings? Desperate to 'recruit' more to her 'cause'. Like I said though I do understand in away that need to seek out others in your boat and validation...but...*sigh*).
I guess that's why I liked doing research and reports etc in school and why my teachers liked my writing, I tend not to take sides lol! I tend to see both points of view/all points of view if not all at once at least in short time.
Well I think I will stop getting wound up in things/people I don't understand/trying to figure out things that aren't figure outable lol (see I'm brain dead) and go watch the Oscars for the first time in years!

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Stockton is THE most miserable city!

In the U.S. and I'm not just saying that! It's officially official! I'm starting to think it's TRYING to top every worst list out there ha! Hard to believe that this beautiful campus is smack dab in the middle. I'm going to keep mum about my thoughts on the actual school (I still need to write my letter of why I left of to them, just I only seem to think of it when I'm royally pissed off). Lots of cool people went to UOP, including the awesome Dave Brubeck. Probably my favorite because when you get put on hold with any of the offices you don't have to listen to a crappy 'elevator' rendition of the latest pop song, you get to listen to some Dave Brubeck! It rocked!
Well, I was feeling grumpy about living in Ann Arbor these last few days but I guess...I'm feeling WAY better now! Reality check! Yeah, I gotta put up with the cold, put up with not crap to do, put up with spoiled university students (much like above mentioned so...), but hell it's safe to walk everywhere! I have the best medical care (which is really huge for me and one of my top reasons for why it's hard to leave. I feel like I've been spoiled with the University of Michigan.), this town is over run with therapists (another reason I have a hard time leaving), just over run with neat things and people. Ahhh such a love hate relationship! It's great.Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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Long title ...got carried away.

Yeah, I think the Fibro monster may be after me! I had to start wearing fewer layers here in the cold because otherwise I start feeling bruised up from the weight. Weird huh? I hate it makes me feel all puny and crap! I was thinking though of getting one of these Clothespin Challenge sets from the National Fibromyalgia Awareness group ...thing...cause I hate trying to explain it some days (some days my words just don't work! Not sure I'm working with a full set!) and it seems like it would make it a bit easier. I like the "Spoon Theory" but that would take me too long, this Clothespin one is short. Just hand the person some clothespins and tell them to clip them on their fingers and see how long they can keep them on (30 min limit) and then imagine if they had to live with that pain forever! Works for me! Anyway I think it's back because of all the layers crap and then today I crashed right into one of the benches at work and just a min ago I totally crashed into a wall! I mostly do stuff like that when the Fibro Monster is lurking. Ugh.

In other health news, I am having ear problems again. I'm I sounding like an old person yet? I'M DISCUSSING MY HEATH PROBLEMS! At least they aren't gross though. Anyway, same ear as the vertigo crap, same ear that got twisted on my flight back from Spain years & years ago. Time to go get it checked out because I have been waking up on and off since Saturday not being able to hear out of it! It's much worse in the morning when I usually have time to make appointments too, go figure. So today I didn't get a chance to get my referral :P

I'm hoping to get a referral or maybe just get into a sleep study. I'm dreaming like crazy as usual when this happens it's mainly nightmares, it's driving me up the wall. Some nights I just don't want to sleep anymore. It stinks though because mainly I wanted to do a sleep study when I was on a 'normal' sleep pattern which for me is not dreaming. Whatever though, I just want to do it now while I'm able since so many people (Docs) have told me I should do one.

My old supervisor is back at work and I'm so happy about that. Next week we are going to pick up where we left off (which was at Halloween) and do our Mad Scientist Science Day! Should be a lot of fun. So many plans that had to be set aside while she was out, I'm so glad we are actually going to get to do them. I'm feeling a lot better about work, the last two days I almost didn't want to go home haha! I was having too much fun with a bunch of the kids today and I think they are really glad our supervisor is back.

I'm finally catching up on a few shows hehe. Caught up on the latest Nip/Tuck and I have to say...what the hell?! I'm starting to agree with some other people out there, they need to wrap this one up! I mean Christian and Lizzie?! REALLY?!! That feels like such a sad stretch. I wish Eden would just die already or something too. Ugh. So glad Lost is back but I'm having a hard time being patient for Wednesdays to roll around. I think I might have to go watch some reruns in hopes it will help my crave! haha! I'm super mad that Rescue Me is now pushed into April, that's another huge addiction I'm having an even harder time with.

I keep saying I need a vacation but I can't seem to get myself to part with the money! I have a break coming up in mid-February. I gotta get myself figured out and make a plan one way or the other!
Seems like days like this can't last forever there always has to be something to gum up the works.

I mean it got a little sticky when I realize it was Tuesday and I hadn't come up with my activity for work today. Then I realize I should probably do something Inauguration related because even though I almost never do stuff for holidays the inauguration of a President is big and especially this historic day I didn't want parents to think we were the only ones to ignore it. So then I was trying to multi-task by getting some ideas of the internet and watching the inauguration online (ok, yeah I was slightly to lazy to go downstairs too). All was going well then CNN's stream sputtered and finally crapped out on me, then I realized the whole internet wasn't working for me (It said was connected but nothing was working).

So, I wandered downstairs to find my mom and brother were home for lunch. They both decided to go back to work a little late and we all watched the swearing in together. The fact that we three were in the same room, talking and being positive with each other was a little historic in itself! In all seriousness lol! So far this year it's been my birthday as well as possibly bits and pieces of Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners that we've been together and getting along.

So that was really great and I've been working on recalling the more positive memories in my life. Mondays Jivaro session was really hard putting my toes in the deep dark waters so, I'm supposed to work on the good stuff in the meantime.

Then I had to jump in the shower and get ready for work. Got to work, nearly froze my fingers off though, and checked the messages on the machine. You know how in movies when ever there is one of those "God" moments there is a bright light that comes streaming out of the sky and you hear this "Ahhhh" sound? Yeah, I swear that happened. My supervisor is coming back on Monday! Part of my sanity is restored! I really was reluctant to take back this job but I did it because the same supervisor I had back in '06 was still there. So when she went out due to an accident at another job site...whew...everything went to hell. I was tempted to quit several times and I upped how much time I've been spending looking for another job (I've been looking for a 2nd job for a while). At around 50 kids (though we got two new ones today) our program is the largest of all the elementary schools so, it's truly hell when we are short staffed (though we did get a temp supervisor). Not only that though but the program has a huge reputation because of my supervisor (which is probably why it's so big lol). She gets us all into planning out these elaborate activities and a lot of that had to be scrapped because we couldn't do it with out her. This was really what made my day, hearing that it is 100% certain she will be back.

For the last several months there has been construction going on at the school so that also threw a wrench in my work life. It's a little sad only cause it's my old elementary school so it's been kind of cool to be back there. Anyway for the last several months we haven't had the main hall bathrooms or the teachers lounge bathrooms which means we all had to share one bathroom (technically there were two main bathrooms open to everyone and the students have bathrooms in the class rooms) down in the basement nap room. It was horrible! Toward the last couple weeks we barely even had that since they took out the sink, the mirror and the paper towel dispenser. Today though after I got the glorious news about my supervisor I wandered out into the hall to discover the main hall bathrooms were finished! They are so nice and I'm so grateful for them. Funny you sometimes don't realize how bad something is until it's made better.

So I walked home tonight froze my hands again a little worried they might have some minor frostbite since every time I turned into the wind and took my hands out of my pockets they lost feeling. That's not really what stopped my awesome day though... I'm trying really hard not to worry about someone right now. It's not really the first time this has happened but every time it happens it's hard not to worry because my family has gone through the big scare twice (as well as some slightly more minor scares after that). I know my dad has be fiddling with his phone service lately so doing my best to chalk it up to that and weather this out. I had called him earlier today got a strange automatic message thought it was strange but figured he was maybe busy with the inauguration or something, got home from work and had a call from my brother that he had just tried to call but got the same message. I'm pretty sure it's just the phones and am waiting for an email reply and trying not to let this worry me too much. I'm not doing a good job lying about it though ha! Just wishing time would pass so I can get a reply back already and go "Ha! See that was silly nothing to worry about at all."

I'm a pessimistic optimist though, think of the worst and hope for the best.


Black Orchid

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